There are fertility support groups available. I also do private sessions, but not many, because my time is limited. We have basically 2 groups — one in Czech language and one in English. Sometimes, I have a few clients I work with privately — we meet, we talk, we use some techniques.
You can also look for therapeutic support.
If you feel really bad, cannot sleep, have eating disorders, sleep disorders, feel very sad, or cannot do basic routine things, then please find some questionnaires online for depression or anxiety disorders. If you see that your level is high, you can go to a psychiatrist and seek therapeutic support.
Sometimes you may also need medication, and that’s okay. There is medication now that can be used during IVF preparation and pregnancy, so do not be worried. If you need it, help yourself.
At some point, there are biochemical processes in the brain that, unfortunately, without medication, cannot be resolved with just therapy sessions.
You may need this kind of support, and that’s okay.
What sources of fertility support are available?
There are many resources and sources of information and support available.
There are organizations and scientific Societies such as ESHRE the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology, and the American Society of Reproductive medicine, there are websites and Fertility hubs like Fertially, our host, there are books, there are blogs, you name it!
There may be local support groups. And of course, many Online support groups and communities you can join or follow.
There are mental health professional support specializing in Fertility challenges for individuals, couples, and families.
Resources are ample. 3 important points for me to make and for you to consider at your leisure
Understand and customize your experience with information and support. From my professional experience there are individuals and families who want to read every single detail of the medical procedures, research results and success rates, pharmacological details of treatments and so on.
Others prefer to function on a ‘need to know basis’ – and seek for information only when important decision time comes.
It is very idiosyncratic, very personal, unique.
Remember each of us is as unique as our fingerprint – what could be more unique than that!
Go ahead and design your experience according to what is right for YOU.
Whatever you decide to be your resources of information and support make sure they are reliable, valid, and accredited. Be a detective for the sources that you trust in your journey. They are part of your team. Would you bring on to your team somebody who hasn’t convinced you about their credentials, experience and fit to your needs?
Be careful with meaningless comparisons in uncontrollable chat groups and communities, be wary of commercially directed social media.
Utilize reliable and accredited resources.
Finally, don’t underestimate the power of ‘TOGETHER’. Reach out, communicate, share. Again, decide and design WHO and to WHAT EXTENT.
TOGETHER can be POWERFUL and FULFILLING. However, I am not an advocate of the dictatorship of TOGETHERNESS NO MATTER WHAT. Again, remember it is you and your partner travelling this journey and you choose your team.
When it comes to knowing the right time, I think if you’ve been through failed treatments, it’s really important to talk with your fertility consultant about what the further options are for treatment. Again, be prepared for them to be open and it could be that you need to consider alternative routes, for example, donor conception and you need to understand what that might look like. In terms of knowing when to stop, only you know and it’s really important that you and if you’re in a relationship that the pair of you have talked this through and you are really open and honest about what that means and what that looks like.
It might also be worth looking around other communities, if for example, treatment hasn’t worked and you haven’t been able to have a child or maybe it’s been a second or third child, looking at communities who you can identify with so you can get support, so for example there are amazing childless communities that you could find more out about and understand how people are talking about this so there are people you can relate to. Similarly with the other scenarios I just explained, but only you know what’s right with you. In terms of stopping treatment, that’s a conversation to have with a fertility consultant that you’ve been working with to find out if there’s any unanswered questions, if there’s anything you’ve not tried and to really ensure that you don’t have any regrets.
In a recent study conducted by our SEF psychology interest group, we asked this question in the specific period of lockdown. I understand that it is generalisable to any other time.
The strongest sources of support for patients were in this order: family support, medical team, social networks, psychological care.
With regard to social networks, this is something we see on a daily basis, our patients feel supported and accompanied by other women who are going through something similar, they are aware of each other and this benefits them by sharing their discomfort or realising that it is not a unique difficulty, but that it is becoming more and more frequent.
One of the things that I always say is support while struggling to conceive and going through treatment is so important. I’d say it’s one of the most important things that you can do and certainly something that I felt was lacking when we were going through treatment. There are so many different levels of support and types of support out there. It doesn’t have to be that one size fits all, and there’s no support out for you because you maybe don’t want to see a councillor, or you don’t want to join a support group. There’s so much support out there, so it’s finding what works for you. I wanted to talk you through just a couple of the available things.
Firstly, fertility counsellors are fully trained in helping people and supporting people who are struggling with infertility and going through treatment. They’re brilliant to speak to. If you’re worried about anything, most clinics do have links to a fertility counsellor, so you can ask your clinic and find out if they do have a link to it. I always recommend it’s worth speaking to them to see if it’s right for you and if it’s something that would be helpful. If you haven’t got one linked to the clinic, various websites like the British Infertility Counselling Association, so BICA has all the fertility counsellors around by where you live. There’ll be lots in different countries with the equivalent of that. So speak to your clinic and find counsellors they would recommend or find out about a fertility counsellor that you can see if there isn’t one linked to the clinic already.
Support groups are a really great tool for if you’re struggling and getting support from people who have had very similar experiences to you, who fully understand what it’s like to be struggling to get pregnant and going through treatment. You’ll have people who’ve been through lots of different types of treatment, people who are at different points in their journey. There’ll always be somebody there who can support you, who can offer guidance on what they’ve felt and what they’ve done to help with things. It’s always a very safe space and non-judgmental, so.
In contrast, you may hold off saying certain things about how you’re feeling to friends and family who you don’t feel understand, maybe as well. You will find that people in support groups are a lot less judgmental. They understand if you say, I feel really jealous of my best friend who has just announced she’s pregnant; why don’t I feel happy for her. They will fully understand that, and we’ll support you through that, so it’s a great way of getting peer support from others who fully understand it as well. There are so many support groups out there, online and clinics have face-to-face groups in some cases. You can research the different ones and look at what’s right for you. I’d say try and find ones that are still very positive and very safe spaces rather than ones where it gets very negative so that you keep the positivity and get the support you need.
Fertility charities, there are various ones worldwide, so Fertility Network UK and there’s Resolve, there are lots of different ones. If you speak to a fertility clinic in the country you’re in, they will tell you which charities are available. There are also more specific ones, for example, endometriosis or polycystic ovarian syndrome. You can have a look and do some research and find charities that often have blogs, maybe support groups, and have social media sites that you can access. In the UK, the HFEA offers lots of advice and guidance; it will be the same for governing bodies worldwide, so you can have a look at the governing body for fertility treatment to find blogs and different pieces of advice again.
There are many other fertility support services, such as fertility coaches, acupuncturists, reflexologists, and hypnotherapists. Research what things are around and look at what works for you and what you feel would be helpful. They’re also very good at talking therapy, so you also get that benefit as well. Then on social media, places like Instagram, there are so many accounts that can be supportive. You may want to tailor when you look on social media, but you can follow so many accounts and people’s journeys. It’s just good to know that you’re not alone. I would say whatever support is right for you, have a look and try and access some. Whether it is from friends and family, organisations, or somebody else who’s been through it. It’s really important in validating and supporting you through what can be an emotionally tricky time.
There is so much fertility support available and that is the key thing to take away is that whatever style of support that works best for you is out there. For example, I am a fertility coach, there are people like me who support women directly. I also run an app and there are also other apps and communities around the world that you can join for that peer-to-peer support, and people who really get it and understand it going through it at the same time as you. There are also charities such as Resolve or the Infertility Association that can connect you potentially with mentors, somebody who’s been through the journey and can be there for you to answer questions and offer support. There is also a vast TTC community online, in forums or social media, and particularly Instagram has a large community and a lot of people get a lot of support and solace from those understanding voices online. It might also be around seeking some professional support through your doctor in terms of a psychologist or psychotherapist, it just depends on what type of support is going to work best for you.
You may also want to look into relationship therapies if your relationship is under strain through going through infertility which is very common. You should know that there is a lot of support out there and also practical tools that can help support you, too. It may be that you need some practical things to help you as well as that support and advice. Things like meal plans, or wellness, or yoga classes, or seeing an acupuncturist; these practical steps can also help you to build you up and get you back to you which is a really important part of going through infertility in a better way.
