During this event, Louise Siwicki, Executive Fertility Coach & Fertility Workplace Advocate explained the importance of addressing fertility burnout and provided 3 proven science-backed strategies that will bust fertility burnout forever and that you can implement immediately.
Fertility burnout is often considered rock bottom, something many people experience on their fertility journey. It’s crucial to understand fertility burnout to identify signs and seek appropriate support and resources. It’s essential to recognize if you’re experiencing or heading towards fertility burnout and not try to fight it alone. Furthermore, it takes a village not just to raise a child, but also to make one. By reaching out, you can get back on track toward your dream of parenthood. It’s not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength to recognize when you need help. Fertility burnout can manifest in various ways, including emotional exhaustion, chronic fatigue, feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and depression. These are all common experiences for those struggling with fertility. Chronic stress can disrupt hormone production, menstrual cycles, and overall reproductive health, potentially interfering with ovulation and sperm quality. Stress’s psychological impact can lead to relationship strain, decreased libido, and further fertility issues. Society often normalizes stress and anxiety, but chronic stress can have severe consequences on fertility. It’s crucial to create space for self-care, allowing your body to rest and reset.
Most people lead very busy lives with stressful jobs and numerous responsibilities at home. Our energy tends to be directed outwardly, often neglecting self-care. As natural caregivers, especially women, we easily give away our energy to help others, whether it’s colleagues, family, or friends. Unfortunately, they typically feel guilty or believe they lack permission to prioritize their own needs for replenishing their energy and reconnecting with their inner joy and self-care. Living in a state of constant stress response, characterized by masculine energy, isn’t conducive to fertility.
Signs of fertility burnout include constant worry, where concerns about fertility and reproduction persistently dominate thoughts. It’s crucial to recognize when this worry becomes overwhelming and consumes every aspect of life. Lack of motivation or interest in fertility treatments, work, relationships, and social activities may also indicate burnout. Social withdrawal, isolating oneself from previously enjoyed activities and interactions, can be another red flag.
Louise shared 3 coping strategies she uses to move through fertility burnout and regain control of their mind and body:
Meditation and visualization exercises, breathing techniques like box breathing, and consistent self-care practices are essential for managing stress and enhancing well-being on your fertility journey. Remember, it’s about taking baby steps, showing up every day, and committing to change. By implementing these strategies consistently, you can calm your mind, reduce stress, and create space for healing and growth on your fertility journey.
Deep belly breathing involves breathing deeply into your belly to activate your body’s relaxation response, calming your nervous system and stress response mode. It’s a similar concept to the 8-2-10 method. With the 8-2-10 method, you breathe in for 8 counts, hold for 2, and exhale for 10, repeating this cycle 10 times if possible. This technique can be done at any time of day, but doing it before bed can promote a deeply relaxed state conducive to quality sleep, which is often impacted during the fertility journey.
Creating personal boundaries is crucial, especially when experiencing constant fatigue due to energy depletion. Many of my clients, high-performing women with demanding careers and responsibilities, find themselves drained both at work and at home. It’s essential to prioritize self-care and set boundaries to prevent further depletion. Putting on your oxygen mask first is vital; you cannot effectively care for others if you neglect your well-being.
Creating personal boundaries around your energy involves several techniques:
Seeking support is crucial if you’re experiencing fertility burnout. Don’t hesitate to seek professional guidance to receive the support, tools, and strategies you need to heal. It’s possible to move from feeling overwhelmed and paralysed with fear to feeling empowered and in control on your fertility journey.
In conclusion, self-reflection is key. Take the time to reflect on your journey, emotions, and the coping strategies that resonate with you. Develop an action plan incorporating these strategies, and seek appropriate support to manage fertility-related stress effectively. Writing down your plan serves as a commitment to yourself to prioritize your well-being and navigate the fertility journey with resilience.
Absolutely. There are a lot of common misconceptions about how we feel like we should psychologically deal with fertility, around grief, around if there’s been a miscarriage, or if you’ve gone through the process of IVF, and you’ve had a negative test result. Being able to really permit yourself to grieve. There’s a lot of “If I just keep going, then it will work”, and that is not necessarily the case. If you just keep pushing through and not listening to what your body is telling you. I had a client yesterday, and she just started back with me last night. But when we were working together originally, she was going through a lot, she had a lot of medical issues outside the fertility journey that she was also navigating with IVF. And she said to me last night, “I wish I just had listened to my body and my body just needed to do its thing and I really just needed to stop and to listen and to really look after that side of my health before going through IVF.” I was told that I was getting too old and if I just kept going then it surely would work. “I’m getting too old” or “This is never going to work” and if I stop then I feel like I am giving up, all of these are common misconceptions that every single one of my clients has to navigate, and I did as well.
It’s taking the time when you can. So, if you can just take even a one or two-minute break and go to the disabled toilets, do your breathing, allow yourself the space to calm your mind and reset. It’s really important. Finding little pockets of time and taking that time to remove yourself, recoup, and restore your energy, just bring calm to your mind so you’re able to navigate the remainder of the day much more successfully in a calm manner. Once, your energy has the power to change the entire energy in a room. If we walk into work, and we’re already in a really stressed state, where the energy that we’re radiating is stress and people react to that. And then all of a sudden, there are a lot of issues that are happening at work, and by no means is that your fault because all this kind of happens at the unconscious level, and it’s not intentional whatsoever, but just being aware that our energy can change the state in a room is empowering because we have that power in our corner.
If you feel your energy is starting to decline that day, starting to get fatigued, stress levels whatever are starting to go up, then just remove yourself for a minute or two, that’s all it takes, do your breathing exercises, give yourself the space, and come back into the room and navigate what you have to navigate. I think it is a very small thing but is super effective.
I think change is hard, it’s scary, we’re naturally wired to stay in what we know and that doesn’t always serve us. It’s better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. It’s about understanding the coping strategies and tools to be able to successfully navigate change. All of that is done through learning to calm your mind, calming your nervous system, and understanding how to bring that stress response down because when we are navigating change, that creates a lot of overwhelm within our body. If we are also living in that constant state of the stress response, then it can become even more overwhelming and often paralyze us, and we don’t take the step forward that we need to, or we’re not able to feel through the fear but doing it anyway or feel through the change or whatever that looks like. It’s about really learning the foundation tools and strategies to calm your nervous system, and your mind, and create a clear mind, so you can successfully navigate whatever change that is. These tools are really simple, but it takes a lot of work and practice to change, and it takes a lot of commitment, it’s rinse, wash, repeat, it’s showing up every day and showing up and making that decision even when you don’t feel like it and even when it starts to feel yucky and messy and overwhelming, and you feel like you’re back in that hole, it’s about committing to that change and showing up and doing what you need to do to move forward.
Okay, which fertility myths mostly keep clients stuck in place? I “I’m too old”, “I’m never going to become a mom”, “I’ve left it too late, I’ve failed”, the language is what keeps you stuck. It’s about transforming the language, transforming the mindset, changing your thinking because it’s the language that is everything, our thoughts become our feelings, our feelings become our reality over time and everything starts the thought in the mind and presents as language. What we tell our mind, our mind has no other option but to believe that’s how we’re wired. These thoughts and that’s what keep most of my clients stuck, and it’s really about change. A lot of my clients don’t feel worthy of becoming a mom, I don’t truly love myself. This is the first part you need to do before going ahead.
You have to listen to your intuition and your gut. Your intuition is probably telling you what you need to do. It’s just about trusting it. The process is stressful, it’s learning to obviously cope with that stress in the best way possible. But in terms of whether you should change clinics, or look for the signs, maybe it is time to seek a second opinion or seek a new view, or a fresh set of eyes on your situation. Whether you need to look elsewhere or seek a second opinion, I think it’s just about sitting with yourself and asking yourself, what do I need to do to move forward? Do I need to find another clinic? Ask yourself that question and see what the answer is.
