To begin with, we were very open with family as I mentioned in the talk. We took a couple of days or maybe a week to tell the whole family. We did it in stages because of the shock and my husband wanted to find out more before we started telling them, especially my side, because obviously, he’s the son-in-law.
We told our very closest friends not all but it was hard for some of them to understand. We were also younger than a lot of our friends having children at the time so I think for those who weren’t in a trying-to-conceive-scenario, they may not have fully understood the pain that came with it. Whereas, ironically, now some of those friends are struggling themselves. Since we’ve had the children, now everyone knows and because we’re telling the children, we don’t mind people knowing, in fact, we’re proud of it because it is who our children are. It’s part of our family story; it’s part of their story. They wouldn’t be here without it and we’re not ashamed of it.
We’re delighted that we’ve had them this way and that’s why I started Fertility Help Hub and I’m very public about our story on there. I do a lot of posts about donor conception and feature a lot of people who have been through donor conception or thinking about it. I have just published an article by the LGBT Mummies Tribe who talk about doing it in the same-sex relationship and the kind of differences or difficulties that arise with not being seen as the true mother in a same-sex relationship. So that’s an interesting spin on it that I hadn’t actually anticipated or hadn’t thought about not being in that situation.
Also, having spoken to some same-sex couples, making the donor selection is a different experience because they’re not trying to replace someone else’s genetics, so they can look for things and have probably more of an open mind than if you’re looking to find someone similar to your husband. I would say be comfortable with who you tell, in time it will get easier so obviously what I’m doing now. Everyone does know. My husband is now comfortable with everyone knowing but it did take time and it took him getting to know the children and grieving before that happened.