Yes, and that hits me right in the heart. You think that some things are old but it’s just all there. I can’t even say that there was a point of accepting that we wouldn’t be having children. It was more hitting, and this was mine, hitting capacity. I struggled with the whole experience and the whole process of going through infertility treatments.
The drugs made me a little wacky, maybe a lot wacky. I mentioned I was the eldest of four girls and all three of my sisters have children. It was more reaching a saturation point and I was probably in my early 40s, maybe it was mid-40s when I thought “okay, this is not meant to be and there’s another life to lead.” I struggled greatly with it. My then-husband was very supportive but he didn’t have the same emotional involvement with having or not having children as I did. He was looking forward to it but he was not as emotional. He was not wired the same as I emotionally. Did it affect our relationship? It did.
I mentioned just in passing that he and I are no longer together. We split relatively recently, probably 4-5 years ago and it was amicable. When we were talking about it, we went back to those years of going through infertility that planted some seeds that we didn’t tend to as well as we could have been. We went through a fair bit of counseling and therapy but that created some stresses and strains in our marriage that. For those of you who are going through this, put all the care that you possibly can into the relationship. It’s a big challenge. It really is. I don’t want to sugarcoat any of that.