During this event, Viki Peeters, a professional, certified Fertility Coach and mother after a long fertility process, discussed the emotional and practical challenges of becoming a mom at 40+ through egg donation.
Vicky primarily works with 40-plus women who are navigating the decision-making and follow-up process for building a family through egg and sperm donation. She discussed the unique challenges faced by women in this age group and offered guidance for those considering motherhood through egg donation.
If you are a woman aged 40 plus, or even 45 plus or 50 plus, whether in a couple or single, and you feel a passionate desire for a baby, this webinar is for you. You may be experiencing a sense of urgency due to your age and feel the pressure of time ticking away. You may be a critical thinker with a strong sense of responsibility, which can add complexity to the decision-making process.
Considering egg donation for motherhood can feel like a monumental leap of faith. Our brains are wired for survival and tend to avoid the unknown and unpredictable. However, embarking on this path involves stepping into the realm of the unfamiliar. You cannot predict the future for yourself as a parent, your child, or your relationships. Uncertainty can trigger fear, resistance, and frustration, making the decision-making process challenging. If you resonate with these feelings, you are in the right place.
To embark on the egg donation journey, it is crucial to cultivate a positive and empowering mindset. Your energy and mindset play a significant role in your ability to make this step and conceive successfully. By shifting from fear and doubt to trust and surrender, you can tap into a flow that feels liberating.
3 layers encompass the decision-making process for motherhood through egg donation.
The first layer involves determining whether this scenario of motherhood through egg donation is right for you. Can you wholeheartedly choose this path, or do you feel resistance? Identifying where the resistance lies and connecting with your desire for a child is crucial. It’s important to acknowledge that this process involves grieving, as you navigate through complex emotions and conflicting thoughts.
Grieving is a challenging process that requires both space and acknowledgement. On one hand, it is necessary to allow yourself the time to grieve. However, on the other hand, the pressure of your biological clock can make it difficult to fully immerse yourself in the grieving process. Striking a balance between giving yourself enough space to grieve and not becoming completely consumed by it can be a complex task.
During the grieving process, it can often feel as though you are trapped in a dark tunnel. Everything around you appears dim and hazy, and you struggle to see beyond the present moment. This tunnel represents your ideal picture of life, the one you have always imagined—a family with a genetically related child and your dream partner. This image feels familiar and comfortable, as it aligns with the desires your brain has grown accustomed to. Your strong attachment to this ideal picture keeps you connected to it.
Before you can transition to the new picture, which may also hold its beauty, you must first complete the old one. It is crucial to finish visualizing and embracing your ideal picture of life. This completion allows you to take the necessary step toward the grieving process. Incorporating rituals and other techniques, such as those utilized in coaching programs, can aid in completing the old picture and transitioning to the new one.
In this decision-making process, two opposing forces are at play. On one hand, there are numerous worries, fears, and doubts that plague your thoughts. On the other hand, there exists a strong longing and desire for a child. These forces resemble two piles, with the worries dominating the first stack, hindering your connection to your wishes and desires in the second stack. It is essential to critically examine the worries, question their validity, and replace them with more empowering thoughts. By doing so, you can prevent the worries from overshadowing your desires.
To gain a comprehensive understanding, it is crucial to examine the worries from various angles. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Consider the perspectives of your future child, your partner (if applicable), and other children in your family. This broader viewpoint helps put the worries into perspective and reinforces the importance of examining them critically.
In addition to confronting your worries, it is vital to acknowledge and nurture your desires and wishes for a child. This collection of wishes extends beyond simply passing on your genes or creating a genetic connection with a partner. It includes the desire to experience pregnancy, breastfeeding, and the unique bond between a parent and a child. By consciously connecting with these desires, you can amplify the significance of the second stack and create a more positive and empowering outlook.
When contemplating the future, it is crucial to reflect on the donor’s place in your family’s story. Whether you choose an anonymous or open donor, the donor becomes an integral part of your family system energetically. Determining how to incorporate the donor into your narrative is an important aspect to consider. Creating a plan for discussing the donor’s presence, whom to inform, and when to share this information becomes essential.
Furthermore, contemplate the possibility of your child wanting to search for the donor in the future, even in cases of anonymous donation. As a parent, it is crucial to understand the available options and how you will respond. These considerations about the future can significantly impact your positive outlook throughout the decision-making process.
- Questions and Answers